I'll admit it. I love Clint Eastwood westerns. Not Clint Eastwood movies in genernal, just the westerns. There's nothing like a lone drifter coming in to save the day in the face of impossible odds against a hoarde of heartless villains. There's something deep inside each of us who wants to be the guy to right all the wrongs in the world.
One thing is true about every Eastwood western - he ALWAYS works alone. He didn't even ride off into the sunset with the girl! How many times was Sandra Locke's heart broken simply because he was an avowed loner with no time or place in his heart to give to anyone?
There's only one thing wrong with that scenario: We weren't created to work alone.
The whole idea is fantasy. But, its the idea that most of us live out even if we SAY we don't buy into it. The "pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps" mentality that we've adopted as westerners doesn't help either. Most people believe their value is based on the quality of their performance...and this falsity is encouraged in every institution we encounter. But, what happens when your performance isn't up to par? Don't we hide our shortcomings and put on the facade that we "have it all together" when, in reality, we're sinking in a pit of self-loathing?
That was me until recently. Through some really challenging circumstances, God has been taking me through a kind of "religious detox" - a journey I'm not sure will ever be over but at least now I'm a willing participant! Through this process, He's showing me how rewarding it can be to truly live in community with other believers who handle your heart well - something I never really found in the institutional church.
When trying to define this "living in community", one finds that you really can't define it. You can only define what is ISN'T. "Living in community" isn't going to a designated building every Sunday morning and putting in your hour-and-a-half for God with people you don't really know and don't really care about and whom you won't see for another week. It isn't watching a performance of hip music and a talented speaker giving you an emotional fill-up to help get you through the week. That kind of "community" is full of Clint Eastwood-type loners constantly comparing their week's performance against each other hoping to gain points with God. Just because you were entertained doesn't mean you're any closer to God or to each other!
What I need is a band of brothers willing to lay down their very lives for me - and me for them. I've come to the realization that I can't walk this road alone - nor do I WANT to anymore. If we're going to influence our sons, daughters and the rest of this generation coming up behind us, we need to figure this out.
That's why we've created the FEW - the Fellowship of Extraordinary Warriors
I believe that as the men go, so go our families, our churches and our communities. Because of this, the men of The River are setting aside every Wednesday night at 7:00 to meet together and tell our stories, share our victories and pray over our struggles. John 7:14 tells us, "small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a FEW find it." I want to be part of that few.
But I can't find it alone. I need brothers. Not to "keep me from sinning" but to call out in me the warrior that is already there. This won't be a "Bible study", we won't be "going through a book". We'll be sharing the weight of our own lives and watching God transform us into what is already true about us - Extraordinary Warriors.
If this is what YOU need, fly me a message and I'll let you in on the details.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Tues. jan. 5,2010
Today I realized that what God led me to write posted on the wrong dashboard & felt that God wanted me to post it again so here it is:
Hello dear friends, Today I feel God leading me to share another installment of my journey the last few weeks with Him. I've never been much of a writer but the words that were swirling around in the room that I was in are beginning to take shape and pour out onto paper so as I pluck them out and transpose to paper, here they are: Wos, it has been such a
journey since last week. God has been teaching me so much more & writing them down helps me to remember. They are just too important to forget. As I stand and look at the
mercy seat where He sits and beckons me to, His robes are beginning to stain with His blood that He shed for me. His blood runs down into rivers of mercy, not just for me, but for anyone who will run into His arms and sit there with Him. Even there, the enemies of my soul try to sneak up and lure me away. You would think that after last week, I would be above all that but oh no, I still am vulnerable to their taunts and their lies. I am still me with all my flaws. So, what happens when I mess up again? Instead of staying there, I jump off and run away from His presence. I ask myself "how could this have happened again"? I thought I was so much stronger than that. I have failed Him again! I blew it again! And so, I run. I am embarrassed, humiliated and angry at myself. What am I going to do now? What can I say or do to gain my Lord's favor again? How can I show Him how much I still love Him? There must be some way of proving my love to Him. And so, I back to trying to earn His favor again. He keeps calling me back to the mercy seat, "your only hope is here with me. There is no forgiveness anywhere but here with Me on the mercy seat". I ask myself "how can I go back after the way I've failed"? I have to find some way to prove to Him how serious I am about walking with Him. And so, I try harder, work harder but still He calls me and waits for me to come once again to the end of myself and run to His mercy seat. It is not taking as much time though between sprints as it once used to. I am learning some very difficult lessons. I am punishing myself for my failure, forgetting He has already forgiven me. I had once again sentenced myself to my own private purgatory. Still, He watches and waits for me with joyful anticipation but I am too busy looking at myself with disgust. He calls me over and over again until I turn and run to His arms and throw myself on the mercy seat with Him. I cry out as Paul did in Rom. 7:14-24. Again He reminds me of what He said in Rom. 8. There is No condemnation in Him. He tells me again that if I will come and sit with Him, He will fight my battles and destroy the enemies of my soul. I cannot win this war. He has already won the war for me. Why do I choose to back & live in the land claimed by my enemies? He tells me to come to live with Him in the land that is His and that He will conquer my enemies and make my land His land. This is the mighty Lion of Judah who is proclaiming this not only to me but for all who would come to His mercy seat and sit with Him. It is here that I am discovering a truth that is bringing such joy & freedom to my heart. Hypocrisy is not a matter of action but of heart. My genuinely painful struggle and hatred of the things I do Proves my heart Is towards Him. My heart Is dedicated to do what is right. I am discovering that flesh and religion are strange bedfellows for while they seem to be working against one another, they actually confirm one another's rebellion against the love of Him. Religion tells me that what I am doing is fine but the guilt and shame remain. It is only His blood that flows thru the mercy seat than can truly wash away the guilt and shame of my sins. My flesh will always support the legalism & control of religion for it will always ensure the absence of His presence. True conviction & repentance are only accomplished here at the mercy seat by Him. When He says I am forgiven, His words will penetrate the deepest recesses of who I am, freeing me from the harassing guilt of my sin and condemning memory that religion wants me to carry. His genuine forgivness renews my resolve and brings deliverance to my life. There is NO amount of works or penance that I can do that can bring this about. No amount of church attendance, bible memorizing or anthing else. It is only His presence that can bring me true freedom from the residue of my sin. So I must learn to run, not hesitate, to the mercy seat, to Him. It is there that He will hold me and speak words of forgivness and healing to me. It is there that He will fill my heart with peace and I will find rest. I am not just saying this, I am finding it to be true over and over again. I hope you will learn to run too.
Hello dear friends, Today I feel God leading me to share another installment of my journey the last few weeks with Him. I've never been much of a writer but the words that were swirling around in the room that I was in are beginning to take shape and pour out onto paper so as I pluck them out and transpose to paper, here they are: Wos, it has been such a
journey since last week. God has been teaching me so much more & writing them down helps me to remember. They are just too important to forget. As I stand and look at the
mercy seat where He sits and beckons me to, His robes are beginning to stain with His blood that He shed for me. His blood runs down into rivers of mercy, not just for me, but for anyone who will run into His arms and sit there with Him. Even there, the enemies of my soul try to sneak up and lure me away. You would think that after last week, I would be above all that but oh no, I still am vulnerable to their taunts and their lies. I am still me with all my flaws. So, what happens when I mess up again? Instead of staying there, I jump off and run away from His presence. I ask myself "how could this have happened again"? I thought I was so much stronger than that. I have failed Him again! I blew it again! And so, I run. I am embarrassed, humiliated and angry at myself. What am I going to do now? What can I say or do to gain my Lord's favor again? How can I show Him how much I still love Him? There must be some way of proving my love to Him. And so, I back to trying to earn His favor again. He keeps calling me back to the mercy seat, "your only hope is here with me. There is no forgiveness anywhere but here with Me on the mercy seat". I ask myself "how can I go back after the way I've failed"? I have to find some way to prove to Him how serious I am about walking with Him. And so, I try harder, work harder but still He calls me and waits for me to come once again to the end of myself and run to His mercy seat. It is not taking as much time though between sprints as it once used to. I am learning some very difficult lessons. I am punishing myself for my failure, forgetting He has already forgiven me. I had once again sentenced myself to my own private purgatory. Still, He watches and waits for me with joyful anticipation but I am too busy looking at myself with disgust. He calls me over and over again until I turn and run to His arms and throw myself on the mercy seat with Him. I cry out as Paul did in Rom. 7:14-24. Again He reminds me of what He said in Rom. 8. There is No condemnation in Him. He tells me again that if I will come and sit with Him, He will fight my battles and destroy the enemies of my soul. I cannot win this war. He has already won the war for me. Why do I choose to back & live in the land claimed by my enemies? He tells me to come to live with Him in the land that is His and that He will conquer my enemies and make my land His land. This is the mighty Lion of Judah who is proclaiming this not only to me but for all who would come to His mercy seat and sit with Him. It is here that I am discovering a truth that is bringing such joy & freedom to my heart. Hypocrisy is not a matter of action but of heart. My genuinely painful struggle and hatred of the things I do Proves my heart Is towards Him. My heart Is dedicated to do what is right. I am discovering that flesh and religion are strange bedfellows for while they seem to be working against one another, they actually confirm one another's rebellion against the love of Him. Religion tells me that what I am doing is fine but the guilt and shame remain. It is only His blood that flows thru the mercy seat than can truly wash away the guilt and shame of my sins. My flesh will always support the legalism & control of religion for it will always ensure the absence of His presence. True conviction & repentance are only accomplished here at the mercy seat by Him. When He says I am forgiven, His words will penetrate the deepest recesses of who I am, freeing me from the harassing guilt of my sin and condemning memory that religion wants me to carry. His genuine forgivness renews my resolve and brings deliverance to my life. There is NO amount of works or penance that I can do that can bring this about. No amount of church attendance, bible memorizing or anthing else. It is only His presence that can bring me true freedom from the residue of my sin. So I must learn to run, not hesitate, to the mercy seat, to Him. It is there that He will hold me and speak words of forgivness and healing to me. It is there that He will fill my heart with peace and I will find rest. I am not just saying this, I am finding it to be true over and over again. I hope you will learn to run too.
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