The Measure of a Man

I have to speak out on something that I've held onto for far too long. Forgive me in advance if this seems like a "vent session", but I believe there is an issue that the Church needs to address before we push God even farther into the background and buy into any more lies from our culture. That issue is the measure of a man.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who was relaying to me how he perceived some of his male friends defined what it took to "be a man". Their definition of a "man" reeked with the John Wayne 'pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps-and-never-let-them-see-you-cry" nonsense. A "real man" in their eyes would be one who never showed weakness, never offered vulnerability and never, ever, for ANY reason, EVER, let anyone else see them cry. Some have so bought into this lie so deeply that they won't even allow themselves to cry in secret. These men have locked their hearts away in a place where THEY can't even find it anymore. What a tragedy.

I have been criticized on numerous occasions for being "too emotional". The most recent critcism even dared to go as far as saying I was "fake" because of my propensity to show emotion. If the above definiton truly is the measure of a man, and if showing emotion in public is "fake" then we are also passing judgment on the following men of the Bible, all of whom are recorded weeping PUBLICLY:

Jacob & Esau (Gen 33)
Joseph (7 different times in Gen 43 - 50)
Benjamin (Gen 45:14)
David & Jonathan (1 Sam 20:41)
Saul (1 Sam 24:16)
David and his Mighty Men (1 Sam 30:4 - "until they had no strength")
David (again, too many times to mention)
Jehoash (2 Kings 13:14)
Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:3)
Ezra (Ezra 10:1)
Nehemiah (Neh 1:4)
Job (Job 30:25)
Peter (Mark 14:72)
John (Rev 5:4)
Paul & the elders at Ephesus (Acts 20:37)
Jesus (John 11:35, Luke 19:41)

This is NOT a complete list. ALL of these accounts are MEN of the Bible weeping PUBLICLY. I am not ashamed nor will I EVER apologize for being in their company.

Even though those who would define a 'man' as 'one who doesn't cry', there is one emotion that they don't seem to have any trouble at all showing off in public - anger.

This type of anger is not a righteous anger that leads to justice, such as Jesus showed when he cleared the temple. Its a very selfish, self-serving anger that is driven by fear of being exposed or being 'out of control' of their own situation. This anger is a simmering pressure cooker fueled by an undercurrent of frustration that explodes all over people when the person's selfish goals are blocked - or, when they are found to be wrong and are too prideful to admit it. (not a trait that leads to anything good, according to God)

When a man is driven by that kind of insecurity, he tends to look at men who have found freedom from that prison of posers as 'fake' or 'less of a man' somehow. Again, this judgment is driven by fear that they may be exposed because THEY KNOW IN THEIR HEARTS THEY ARE NOT THE REAL THING. These "men" are no better than the third grade bully whose bubble is burst the first time someone punches him in the nose.

Its ironic and sad all at the same time.

Maybe its time for men to start looking to the BIBLE for their definiton of a man instead of the movies, or sports figures, or posers who ignore their wives & kids, or bullies who think they're in charge just because they're bigger and can yell louder. You get the idea...

The REAL strength of a man is found in how he SERVES his wife & kids.
The REAL strength of a man is found in his ability to ADMIT when he's wrong.
The REAL strength of a man is found when he GIVES himself away.
The REAL strength of a man is found in how he EXPRESSES emotions...not how he suppresses them.

There, I feel better now that I have THAT off my chest...my hairy, MANLY chest!!