The Measure of a Man

I have to speak out on something that I've held onto for far too long. Forgive me in advance if this seems like a "vent session", but I believe there is an issue that the Church needs to address before we push God even farther into the background and buy into any more lies from our culture. That issue is the measure of a man.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who was relaying to me how he perceived some of his male friends defined what it took to "be a man". Their definition of a "man" reeked with the John Wayne 'pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps-and-never-let-them-see-you-cry" nonsense. A "real man" in their eyes would be one who never showed weakness, never offered vulnerability and never, ever, for ANY reason, EVER, let anyone else see them cry. Some have so bought into this lie so deeply that they won't even allow themselves to cry in secret. These men have locked their hearts away in a place where THEY can't even find it anymore. What a tragedy.

I have been criticized on numerous occasions for being "too emotional". The most recent critcism even dared to go as far as saying I was "fake" because of my propensity to show emotion. If the above definiton truly is the measure of a man, and if showing emotion in public is "fake" then we are also passing judgment on the following men of the Bible, all of whom are recorded weeping PUBLICLY:

Jacob & Esau (Gen 33)
Joseph (7 different times in Gen 43 - 50)
Benjamin (Gen 45:14)
David & Jonathan (1 Sam 20:41)
Saul (1 Sam 24:16)
David and his Mighty Men (1 Sam 30:4 - "until they had no strength")
David (again, too many times to mention)
Jehoash (2 Kings 13:14)
Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:3)
Ezra (Ezra 10:1)
Nehemiah (Neh 1:4)
Job (Job 30:25)
Peter (Mark 14:72)
John (Rev 5:4)
Paul & the elders at Ephesus (Acts 20:37)
Jesus (John 11:35, Luke 19:41)

This is NOT a complete list. ALL of these accounts are MEN of the Bible weeping PUBLICLY. I am not ashamed nor will I EVER apologize for being in their company.

Even though those who would define a 'man' as 'one who doesn't cry', there is one emotion that they don't seem to have any trouble at all showing off in public - anger.

This type of anger is not a righteous anger that leads to justice, such as Jesus showed when he cleared the temple. Its a very selfish, self-serving anger that is driven by fear of being exposed or being 'out of control' of their own situation. This anger is a simmering pressure cooker fueled by an undercurrent of frustration that explodes all over people when the person's selfish goals are blocked - or, when they are found to be wrong and are too prideful to admit it. (not a trait that leads to anything good, according to God)

When a man is driven by that kind of insecurity, he tends to look at men who have found freedom from that prison of posers as 'fake' or 'less of a man' somehow. Again, this judgment is driven by fear that they may be exposed because THEY KNOW IN THEIR HEARTS THEY ARE NOT THE REAL THING. These "men" are no better than the third grade bully whose bubble is burst the first time someone punches him in the nose.

Its ironic and sad all at the same time.

Maybe its time for men to start looking to the BIBLE for their definiton of a man instead of the movies, or sports figures, or posers who ignore their wives & kids, or bullies who think they're in charge just because they're bigger and can yell louder. You get the idea...

The REAL strength of a man is found in how he SERVES his wife & kids.
The REAL strength of a man is found in his ability to ADMIT when he's wrong.
The REAL strength of a man is found when he GIVES himself away.
The REAL strength of a man is found in how he EXPRESSES emotions...not how he suppresses them.

There, I feel better now that I have THAT off my chest...my hairy, MANLY chest!!

Remember...

God has been speaking to me a lot lately about remembering - remember from where I have brought you, remember your former slavery, remember who I am, etc. Its not that I intentionally forget any of these things. As life happens and time passes, I find these things slip from my memory and experience. The voice that was one day so vivid and powerful becomes a distant whisper among all the other voices that clamour to be heard.

This led me to read back through some journals from the past couple of years. Wow. He has brought us through so much...shown Himself to be so faithful...has done amazing things in our midst. So, why do I so easily forget? I don't know the answer to that. One thing I know is, if I don't remain intentional every day to remember, those things get lost in the shuffle of my busyness, my "to-do" list.

Another thing I know is that God is faithful to pursue me in my forgetfulness. I will hear a line in a movie, read a passage of Scripture or a great book, or just be hanging out with friends and God will stir my heart back to center...remind me for what I was made. Its then that the real battle begins! I can choose to remember, or I can keep dabbling on the fringes, letting the busyness of life carry me along like a raft on a raging river until I'm so far away from God's destination for me that I can lose heart to the point it would be easy to lose hope of ever getting back.

That's where I find a lot of people whom God brings into my path - feeling hopeless that they will ever get back to who God intended them to be. They have bought into the lie that screams to them every day, "Your choices have disqualified you from EVER realizing God's intention for you." That's simply not true.

In the book of Jeremiah, we find that the nation of Israel had taken a trip down that raging river of bad choices yet God declares to them that He has a plan for them. A plan to prosper them and not to harm them...a plan to give them a hope and a future.

The choices of our past NEVER have to disqualify us from God's best for our lives...but that's our choice. The choices we make every day - the choice to do the next right thing - will determine whether we rest in the center of His will or keep drifting aimlessly down river.

May you always remember who you are and whose you are. And may that remembrance lead you to the abundant, fulfilling life found only in God.

Pastor Marc