I've been in an interesting place lately. So much of my "worth" through the years has been determined (at least in my own mind) by what I "do". I've been caught in that heart-killing lie, "You're only as worthy as your last performance". Guys understand this really well. When you're with a group of guys, the initial conversation usually goes something like this: "What's your name?" and "What do you DO?" We seem to be identified more by what we DO than who we ARE.
I've come to realize in the last 5 months that so much of my past identity had been wrapped up in my title, my position, where I go to work every day...you get the picture. Since God has moved me to this marvelous new place in my life, I don't have an office to go to or a title to put on the door. When someone asks me now what I do, I find I have a hard time putting words to it. God, in His loving kindness, is teaching me humility. He's stolen my old identity. And that's a GOOD thing!
In its place, He's giving me a NEW identity based in Him...alone
I've learned that, when God steals your identity, He gives you the opportunity to learn some great lessons that we need to learn if we are to live the abundant life. This new identity requires you to rely on the love and support of others more than on yourself. It also requires that you become transparent and vulnerable about your needs and hurts so that healing can come through community.
This new identity is very much a communal identity. We were created to be in community...there are no "Lone Rangers" in the Kingdom. I've learned that God has designed His Body in such a way that I need what everyone else brings to the party...I haven't been designed to do it all myself. And that's a very liberating discovery! I've learned that my job in the Kingdom is not about putting my own gifts on display (as in the performance-based mindset) in order to gain position. My job is to draw out the gifts of others. That is NOT to say that I WITHHOLD my gifts from the Kingdom...I just don't use them to exalt myself anymore. The job of "exaltation" belongs to God as we accept our identity in Him (see Matthew 23:11-12).
I'm learning to trust God...with me.
1 comment:
We realize all that you are learning. We see the fruit. Your post is opening a door for me to walk through and respond. Thank you. Brian and I have dialogued about alot of the things you are saying. This post from you confirms some specific prayers on your behalf. Quite simply, if you need the mortgage paid or a gallon of milk or a gallon of gas we want to do that for you because we exist in deep relationship with you, Sherri and the kids. We want to do this for you knowing that it is no way attached to whatever you work on during the week to bring to us on Sat nights. We desire to bless you during this time not because you are our pastor, song leader, family time teacher, tree trimmer, etc. We bless you because we love you so deeply and we want you to be healed of all that your title, your position, or your last performance has stolen from your heart. We bless you because you shared with sincerity that you need the blessing. It is just as simple as that. Be healed my friends. God will not fail you.
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